If you visit a western city
You will find it very pretty
Just two things of which you must beware
Don’t drink the water and don’t breathe the air

Pollution
Pollution
They’ve got smog and sewage and mud
Turn on your tap and get hot and cold running crud

See the halibuts and the sturgeons
Being wiped out by detergents
Fish gotta swim and birds gotta fly
But they don’t last long if they try

Pollution
Pollution
You can use the lake as toothpaste
And then rinse your mouth with industrial waste

Lots of things there that you can drink
But stay away from the kitchen sink
The breakfast rubbish you throw in The Thames
They drink at lunch time in Southend

Pollution
Pollution
Wear a gas mask and a veil
Then you can breathe ‘long as you don’t inhale
You’re sitting there in your comfy chair
Safely away from the roads downstairs
Breathing nice air conditioned air
That’s giving you all Legionnaires

Infection
Infection
The fumes from the cars
Are not half as bad as Ebola and Tsars

When you tuck into a nice paella
The side order is Salmonella
Which lands you up with a hospital stay
And then you catch MRSA

Infection
Infection
Use an Alcogel dispenser
It kills ninety-nine percent of bugs
And you get done by the one percent

So when you’re on your daily commute
Make sure you’re wearing a HAZMAT suit
Only then can you sit back and read-
‘Bout what they’re dying of overseas
So, go to the city
See the crazy people there
Like lambs to the slaughter

They’re drinking the water
And breathing-
The air!