(Verse)
Long ago in London town
There lived a doctor with a worried frown
He was worried there were too many people around
English ladies and English gents
Were hookin’ up so merrily
Just like the birds and the bees

(Chorus)
Their numbers were increasing geometrically, Oh boy!
So he started thinkin’ prophylactically, Oh boy!
He went to his lab and invented a thingamajig
To be worn when it was gettin’ big

(Verse)
Long ago in London town
There lived a doctor with a worried frown
He was worried there were too many people around
English ladies and English gents
Were hookin’ up so merrily
Just like the birds and the bees

(Chorus)
Their numbers were increasing geometrically, Oh boy!
So he started thinkin’ prophylactically, Oh boy!
He went to his lab and invented a thingamajig
To be worn when it was gettin’ big
(Bridge)
Put it on, wear it tight, don’t you dare take it off!
Put it on, wear it tight, don’t you dare take it off!
And so he entered the history books
Dr. Condum, Dr. Condum, Hooray!