[Verse 1]
Tell me, have you heard the one about the prophet with the perfect soul?
A heavenly bastard with his own slasher flick, the greatest fairy tale ever told
Weekly he receives a kneeling ovation from a sleepy nation
They're swallowing the old routine, the holy saltine, and backwash from the cup of salvation

[Chorus]
Have you heard the legend sweeping the land?
They're saying we all sprung from some invisible man
And when he finished up he took a little rest
And he's been resting ever since, I guess

[Verse 2]
Tell me, have you heard the one about the young man who died for your sins?
You'd think he would've learned his lesson not to mess with us
And yet they say he's gonna come again
He mighta hit a ripe, old age if a disciple had not failed him
Broken, betrayed and lost, he lay alone on the cross, while the Easter Bunny pounded the nails in

[Chorus]
Have you heard the legend sweeping the land?
They're saying we all sprung from some invisible man
And when he finished up he took a little rest
And he's been resting ever since, I guess

[Instrumental]
[Verse 3]
Tell me, have you heard the one about the healer who could resurrect?
They say that when he rose from the dead, he had a flattened head, black boots and two bolts in his neck
Hokum all ye faithful, that's the whole fable as I was told it
Honestly I'm halfway jealous of the gullible zealots who believe this unbelievable bullshit

[Chorus]
Have you heard the legend sweeping the land?
They're saying we all sprung from some invisible man
And when he finished up he took a little rest
And he's been resting ever since, I guess

Have you heard his tales of sorrow and sin?
It's said that they all end as quickly as they begin
And if you've failed or ignored his last request
Oh you'd best be prepared to repent