[ORIN]
When I was younger, just a bad little kid
My mama noticed funny things I did
Like shooting puppies with a B.B. gun
I'd poison guppies and when I was done
I'd find a pussycat and bash in its head
That's when my mama said

[CRYSTAL, RONETTE, CHIFFON, spoken]
What did she say?

[ORIN]
She said, "My boy, I think someday
You'll find a way to make your natural tendencies pay"

[ORIN, (GIRLS)]
"You'll be a dentist (You'll be a dentist)
You have a talent for causing things pain"
(Pain)
"Son, be a dentist (Son, be a dentist)
People will pay you to be inhumane."
(Inhumane)
Your temperament's wrong for the priesthood (Ooh)
And teaching would suit you still less (Ooh)

[ALL FOUR]
Son, be a dentist
You'll be a success
[RONETTE]
Here he is, folks the leader of the plaque!

[CHIFFON]
Watch him suck up that gas!
Oh, my god!

[CRYSTAL]
He's a dentist and he'll never ever be any good

[GIRLS]
Who wants their teeth done by the Marquis de Sade?
Oh that hurts!
I'm not numb!

[ORIN]
Oh, shut up. Open wide, here I come!

[ORIN, (GIRLS)]
I am your dentist
(Dentist, goodness gracious)
And I enjoy the career that I picked (Ooh)
(Love it)
I am your dentist
(Dentist, fitting braces)
And I get off on the pain I inflict (Ooh)
(You really love it)
When I start extracting those molars (Ooh)
(Don't try it)
You girls will be screaming like "holy rollers" (Ooh-aah)
[GIRLS]
Dentist!

[ORIN]
And though it may cause my patients distress (Ooh)
(Distress)
Somewhere in heaven above me, I know, I know that my mama's proud of me (Ooh, aah)
'Cause I'm a dentist (Dentist)
And a success!

(spoken)
Say ah...

[GIRLS, spoken]
Ahh

[ORIN, spoken]
Say ah!

[GIRLS, spoken]
Ahh!

[ORIN]
Now spit