[Nigel Farage]
You have the charisma of a damp rag!

[Frank McGee]
Damp rag!

[Nigel Farage]
You have the appearance of a bank clerk!

[Frank McGee]
Bank clerk!

[Nigel Farage]
Who are you? I'd never heard of you!

[Frank McGee]
Eat my poo!

[Nigel Farage]
Nobody in Europe had ever heard of you!
But I have no doubt that it's your intention
To be the quiet assassin of European democracy
Perhaps that's because you come from Belgium
Which of course, is pretty much a non-country
We don't know you, we don't want you!
The sooner you're put out to grass, the better!
We don't like you, we don't want you!
[Frank McGee]
Our logic and reason have proved you wrong!

[Bølverk]
Go back to Douchebagistan where you belong!

[Frank McGee]
Don't make me have to start World War III!

[Bølverk]
Bring it on, these guns are WMD!

[Nigel Farage]
We don't know you, we don't want you!
We don't like you, we don't want you!

[Katie Couric]
Last month, comedian Bill Cosby
Was surprised to read that he died

[Joel Madden]
How can he read if he's dead?

[Katie Couric]
Chief Justice John Roberts
Was the last to know he resigned
[Joel Madden]
Maybe he should check his head

[Katie Couric]
All of those stories, of course, are pure poppycock
That proliferated online

[Joel Madden]
I do it all the time
Makin' up shit is so sublime

[Katie Couric]
But that of course is little solace for the reader
Who simply wants to surf the web
Without getting pulled under by a riptide of lies

[Joel Madden]
You can't protect the web from assholes like me, shorty

[Katie Couric]
Truth can rip through cyberspace as quickly as lies
Bloggers gnaw at new information like piranhas in a pool

[Joel Madden]
Don't play me for a fool
You know as well as I
We're both getting owned by the
[Katie Couric & Joel Madden]
Rip-riptide of lies
Pulled under by a rip-riptide of lies
Pure poppycock
Pure poppycock
I want to surf, surf the web
Without getting pulled under
By a rip-riptide of lies, lies, lies

[Glenn Beck]
You hit on a guy at a wedding

[Eric Massa]
I-I so-

[Glenn Beck]
Explain that one first

[Eric Massa]
Okay, so we're at a wedding, New Year's Eve
Everyone had too much to drink
There were 300 people there
I went with a bridesmaid, danced with her
I grabbed a bachelor
Now they're sayin' I groped a male staffer
Yeah, I did

[Glenn Beck]
Um

[Eric Massa]
Yeah, yeah, yeah

[Evan & Andrew Gregory]
A manly back-rub
Just a back rub!

[Eric Massa]
We all live together
All the bachelors and me

[Evan & Andrew Gregory]
Naked in the tub

[Eric Massa]
You can take anything out of context

[Evan & Andrew Gregory]
Huggin'!

[Eric Massa]
You can take anything out of context

[Evan & Andrew Gregory]
Scrubbin'!

[Eric Massa]
You can take anything out of context

[Evan & Andrew Gregory]
Rubbin' and humpin!

[Eric Massa]
Yeah!

[Evan & Andrew Gregory]
Ticklin' and jumpin'!

[Eric Massa]
Yeah, yeah!
I tickled him 'till he couldn't breathe
Then four guys jumped on me
It's my 50th birthday

[Glenn Beck]
Whether you're telling the truth or not
An avalanche is coming your way
An avalanche of lies

[Sarah Gregory]
Pulled under by an avalanche of lies

[Katie Couric]
Pure poppycock

[Joel Madden]
Pure poppycock

[Glenn Beck]
Whether you're telling the truth or not

[Sarah Gregory]
You're guaranteed to get caught

[Glenn Beck & Sarah Gregory]
In an avalanche of lies

[Michael Gregory]
Massa staffers!
Droppin' a St. Bernard of truth
But we already drank the brandy
My boss tickles me like a true G
He straddles me so masculine
No stoppin' when I'm askin' him
When he cootchie-coo my armpits, I'm a goner
Tryna pretend that I don't notice his boner!
Tryna distract him with headlines from China
He just drop his drawers and pull out his vagina

[Outro]
Autotune the news
Autotune the news
Everything sounds better autotune-

[Glenn Beck]
I think this is the first time I have wasted your time
And I apologize for that

[Evan Gregory]
Whenever you hear the boss swaggerin' down the hall
You know he gonna drop a double cup on your tennis balls

[Michael Gregory]
You have to be a soldier, a real man
To soothe a male staffer with the stroke from a tender hand

[Evan Gregory]
Ain't nothin' wrong with a Massa massage
When you're in a chronic platonic quintuple menage

[Michael Gregory]
The entourage gripped in a bear hug that they can't escape
Tryna pretend they don't notice when he ejacu-

[Andrew Gregory]
Hey, hey!
Over the line

[Michael Gregory]
Which part?