The Chair recognizes the gentleman from Texas, Mr. Poe
For one verse, one chorus, and an outro

Madame Speaker, do you know the Muffin Man?
The Muffin Man, the Muffin Man
Yes, I know the Muffin Man
But he doesn't live on Drury Lane
He lives at the Department of Justice
On Justice Lane
And is growing rich on selling sixteen dollar muffins
How come these critters cost sixteen dollars apiece?
(Sixteen apiece)
These are some high-dollar muffins (Yeah)
Maybe they're shipped in from a special bakery
In France (In France)
In France (Let's dance)

Where do you even find a muffin that costs sixteen dollars?
My favorite bakery tells me these should be two dollars apiece
(Two dollars apiece)
Forty two hundred dollars for a handful of muffins
Why is the Justice Department spending money
On these? (On these)
On these (On these)
On these (On these)
The Muffin Man is rolling in the dough
Five hundred thousand dollars on refreshments
Sometimes late at night, you need some Oreos, some Oreos
But the store is out and suddenly muffins
Seem like a wise investment
But they're not

The Muffin Man is rolling in the dough
Build a big fence
Put all the lesbians in there
In a few years, they'll die out
Do you agree with his statements
That he said on the pulpit?

I mean, yes, he said that
But of course he would never want that to be done
You're saying he doesn't want it done
But he said he wanted it done
Okay, um, yes, I agree with him
If they can't get the message that that's wrong
They can't reproduce and eventually they would die
(Pardon me while I facepalm and cry)
So you believe that gay people are only born of gay people?
If man and man were in the same fence
They can't reproduce
Right, but that wouldn't
They can't reproduce
Uh, but that wouldn't
Hold up
This learned and witty discussion could go on forever
Apply your palm to your face and you will feel better
Much better

Our military tracked down Osama bin Laden
Those warriors delivered justice, they got him
They sent a message to the world that if you harm America
We will follow you to the end of the Earth and fuck you up
We will fuck you up
Fuck you up
We will follow you to the end of the Earth and fuck you up

Class of 2012, this is your destiny
Let's fuck them up
We will fuck them up
Let's fuck them up
We will fuck them up
Let's fuck them up
We will fuck them up
Let's fuck them up
We will fuck them up