Oh Schno!
I can't watch things based on true events
'Cause I'll get trapped on Wikipedia
Eight hours readin' about Fred Hampton
I've been trapped on Wikipedia

Oh, don't set me free
I need to know all about the Great Stink
Oh, why would I ever go to sleep?
When I can become a scholar of the Manx Loaghtan sheep?
(They're native to the Isle of Man)
(One second, let's see what the Isle of Man is)

I can't watch things that are fictional
'Cause I'll get trapped on Wookieepedia
Six hours learnin' about Coleman Trebor
Yeah, I've been trapped on Wookieepedia

I don't care if you disapprove
I'll be an expert on Yarael Poof
Oh, what would I stop to eat dinner for?
When I'm studying the Purge of Mandalore?

You might think that readin' all these facts
Have made me the smartest man on the planet
But in a couple days, I'll forget anyway
And be back on Wikipedia, damn it, damn it
I can't walk and look around at things at all
'Cause I'll be trapped on Wikipedia
Ten hours later and I'm on Charles de Gaulle
Yeah, I've been trapped on Wikipedia

Just let me be, I'm sightseein' in Tuscany
Oh, I'll never go to sleep
'Til I can tell a dugong from a manatee

I cannot function in the world today
Because I'm trapped on Wikipedia