if im transparent
im juggling far too much than im capable of
for the past few years
been giving too much love

been the bigger person to adults when I was young
got burnt in my youth because I got too close to the sun

hid in the shadows till I became one
I could run far from the problems I didn't want to face
but after moments of time
they'd pry pack through the surface of my mind, my conscience
an illness that has an undefeated presence

and I need to come clean
and cleanse myself from the old anger
that flows through my new blood

face the girl with bleached ends in the eyes
the girl that survived purely through her hatred for others
and watch her decimate into dust
which she stood in

if im transparent
I truly believed that I was weak if I reached out
purely due to the fact that was how I was raised
everyone seemed to go at a much faster pace
pressured myself through the race
and lost because I lacked the proper energy
and I need to be honest and admit that I have to change these habits
before they truly kill me
every non adjusted action leaves me bleeding
and I only have so much blood

face the weak girl full of love and hope
the girl that still stands on the orange hill in the gentle wind
hoping for him to come back
ill hold her in my arms till she becomes her own tears
as she soaks into the ground
and saturates the soil
ill be able to plant a tree
cleanse the past that was miserable
purge it all

ill make it this time
need to find fresh soil that isn't corrupted by chemicals
the life has been drained out of me
and I've been drinking poison for years
without even noticing
I need a cleanse
I need to rebreak my bones that have healed wrong
and its going to hurt
need to stop placing the devil on both of my shoulders

my heart will bleed out in ache
but with my hands coloured red, ill colour the sky pink
for my own sake
with the resurfacing tears ill saturate the scorched ground
and I adore you truly deep in my soul
but im letting you go