[Verse 1]
He's a serious mister
Shake his hand and he'll twist your arm
With Monopoly money
We'll be buying the funny farm
So I'll do flips, and get paid in chips
From a diamond as big as the Ritz

[Chorus]
Then I'm calling it quits
Calling it quits

[Verse 2]
Eyes the color of candy
Lies to cover the handicap
Though your slippers are ruby
You'll be led to the booby trap
And there's no prize
Just a smaller size
So I'm wearing the shoe 'till it fits

[Chorus]
Then I'm calling it quits
Yes, I'm calling it quits
Yes, I'm calling it quits
[Bridge]
Now he's numbering himself among the masterminds
Calling it quits
'Cause he's hit upon the leverage of valentines
Calling it quits
Lifting dialogue from Judy Garland story lines
Where get-tough girls turn into gold mines

[Verse 3]
All those Polaroid babies
Taking chances with rabies
Happy to tear me to bits

[Chorus]
Well, I'm calling it quits
Yes, I'm calling it quits
Yes, I'm calling it quits
Yes, I'm calling it quits
Yes, I'm calling it quits
Yes, I'm calling it quits
Now he's numbering himself among the masterminds
Yes, I'm calling it quits
'Cause he's hit upon the leverage of valentines
Yes, I'm calling it quits
Now he's numbering himself among the masterminds
'Cause he's hit upon the leverage of valentines