[Verse 1]
Do you take this woman?
I said, "Yes I do"
I love her like crazy
I think she loves me too
But we'll do without the family
If it's all the same to you
Happy ever after

[Verse 2]
Your mother's a flake
My father's full of shite
Your sister says you married me in white
Just for spite
A party's not a party
Till it ends up in a fight
Happy ever after

[Chorus]
And there's my lot and your lot
And us two in between
Please God, this is the last time I get married
Please God, this is the last time I get married

[Verse 3]
My brother's never short
Of a substance to abuse
Rum, glue, Thunderbird
Wizz and Special Brew
Any minute now
He'll show us all of his tattoos
Happy ever after
[Verse 4]
Nephews are obnoxious
Nieces are too tall
A dozen drunken uncles
Are pissing up the wall
Granddad is grinning
But there's no one home at all
Happy ever after

[Chorus]
And there's my lot and your lot
And us two in between
Please God, this is the last time I get married
Please God, this is the last time I get married

[Bridge]
For richer, for poorer, for better or worse
Now we are married, a blessing or a curse
Kiss me and don't forget
What you see is what you get

[Verse 5]
And the best man is the worst man
The best man is a beast
Underneath the table
With the sister of the priest
The way he's going at it
She's probably deceased
Happy ever after
[Verse 6]
Gran's on the brandy
Getting bleary-eyed
Guys I went to school with
Wanna see me outside
Someone's pulled the bridesmaid
Has anyone seen the bride?
Happy ever after

[Chorus]
And there's my lot and your lot
And us two in between
I swear this is the last time I get married
I'm sure this is the last time I get married
Please God, this is the last time I get married
Please God, this is the last time I get married

[Post-Chorus]
Those who God hath joined together let no man put asunder
If there is anyone here who has just cause or impediment
For why these two people should not be joined together in holy matrimony
Let them now declare

[Outro]
Keep your hands off my—