[MICHAEL]
No more
Walking up six flights of stairs
Or throwing down the key
Because there is no buzzer

No more
Walking thirteen blocks
With thirty pounds of laundry
In the fuckin' dead of Winter

No more
Faulty wiring
No more
Painted floors

No more
Spitting out my Ultra Brite
On top of dirty dishes
In the one and only sink

Hello, to my walk in closets
Tidy as Park Avenue
Hello, my butcher block table
I could get used
I could get used
I could get used to you...
No more
Climbing over sleeping people
Before you get out the door
Of your own building

[MICHAEL & JON]
No more

[MICHAEL]
Noxious fumes
From gas heaters that are illegal

[JON]
Or will blow up while you are sleeping

[MICHAEL & JON]
Ohhh!

[MICHAEL]
No more

[JON]
Leaky ceilings

[MICHAEL]
No more
[JON]
Holes in the floor

[MICHAEL & JON]
No more

[JON]
Taking a shower in the kitchen
While your roommate's eating breakfast

[MICHAEL & JON]
And you're getting water on his corn flakes

Hello, to shiny new parquet wood floors
As waxed as a wealthy girl's legs
Hello, dear Mister Dishwasher[MICHAEL] I could get used[JON] I could get used...I could get used I could get used...I could get used to you To you...[JON]
No more
Exotic

[MICHAEL]
No more
Neurotic

[MICHAEL & JON]
No more
Anything but pleasantly robotic[MICHAEL] We're moving on up[JON] We're moving on upTo the East side To the East Side[MICHAEL & JON]
To a deluxe apartment
In the sky!
[JON (SPOKEN)]
What's that?

[MICHAEL (SPOKEN)]
Oh, come on
Hold on, breathe

[JON (SPOKEN)]
Uhhh!

[MICHAEL (SPOKEN)]
Easy...

[JON (SPOKEN)]
What are you doing?

[MICHAEL (SPOKEN)]
It's him
Ah, hold the phone

[MICHAEL & JON]
Hello, to dear Mister Doorman
Who looks like Captain Kangaroo
Hello dear fellow, and how do you do?[MICHAEL] I could get used[JON] I could get used...Even seduced Even seduced...[MICHAEL & JON]
I could get used to you!
Ow!
Oh, yeah!