DEBRA:
When opportunity knocks
When possibility calls
Take the bull by the horns
Grab life by the balls
You gotta take the reins
Break the rules
So you can make your shitty life
Better
You gotta grab the good stuff before it's gone
'Cause once it's gone, it don't come back
I met a nice guy
At the dog track
He was tall, he was Greek
He was possibly gay
He needed a green card
I needed the cash
We got married in Passaic last May
You should have seen the dress I wore
It was haute couturе and it was

ALL:
Beautiful

DEBRA:
You shoulda seen the dress I worе
Yeah I stole it
It made my life shitty better
When opportunity knocks
When possibility calls
Take the bull by the horns
Grab life by the balls
You gotta earn a buck
Turn a truck
ALL:
So you can make your life shitty life
Better

KIMBERLY (spoken):
So you're married?

DEBRA (spoken):
Widowed, actually

KIMBERLY (spoken):
What?

DEBRA (spoken):
It's a long story

DEBRA:
I met a lady
With dementia
She was old
She was sweet
She was legally blind
She needed a roommate
I needed a room
I was outta work
ALL:
She was outta her mind

DEBRA:
You shoulda seen the rings she wore

ALL:
Let me underscore that they were
Beautiful

DEBRA:
She gave me all the rings she wore
Yeah, she thought I was her daughter but
They make my shitty life
Better

ALL:
Better, better

Better

ALL:
Better, better

DEBRA:
When opportunity knocks
When possibility calls
Take the bull by the horns
Grab life by the balls
You gotta catch a break
Hoo!
Snatch a purse
Hoo!
So you can
ALL:
Make your shitty life

KIMBERLY (spoken):
This is your advice?
To take advantage of sick old ladies?

DEBRA:
No!
Not just them
Hey
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey
When life gives you lemons
When life gives you
Oh
Lemons
Oo-oh-ohh!
You gotta go
You gotta go out

ALL:
You gotta go out

DEBRA:
You gotta go out and steal apples
Cause who the fuck
Wants lemons?!
Yeah
When opportunity knocks
Yeah, yeah
When possibility calls
Take the bull by the horns
Grab life by the balls
You gotta hustle hard
You gotta muscle through
So you can make your shitty life

ENSEMBLE:
Legally blind

DEBRA: Better!

ALL:
When opportunity knocks
When possibility calls
Take the bull by the horns

DEBRA:
Grab life by the balls
You gotta seize those balls!
You gotta seize and
Squeeze those balls!
You gotta squeeze and
So you can make your
You gotta make your life
Shitty life

ALL:
Better
Shitty little life better
You gotta make your life
Better

DEBRA:
Whoa, oh
Shitty little life better
Yeah
You gotta make your life
Better
You gotta make it
Shitty little life better
{?}
You gotta make your
Shitty life
Shitty life

ALL:
Better

DEBRA:
Oh