I've had an absolute cunt of a day
Everything that could go wrong did go wrong
So if I'm allowed to use the word cunt in a song
I've had an absolute cunt of a day

It started as a fart in bed
Well it started as a fart but I shit myself instead
And the fuckin' missus going off her fuckin' head
I've had an absolute cunt of a day

And running to the dunny like a bastard
Trying to hold it in with me finger up me arse
Skidding past the kids, those little cunts laughing
I've had an absolute cunt of a day

I've had an absolute cunt of a day
Everything that could go wrong did go wrong
So if I'm allowed to use the word cunt in a song
I've had an absolute cunt of a day

No hot water so I had to take a cold shower
Scrubbing shit from every orifice which took a fuckin' hour
Then fuck, fuck, fuck, no fuckin' towel
I've had an absolute cunt of a day

Pulling on my jeans and tripped
Broke me fuckin' nose and split my fuckin' lip
Got me cock caught in me fuckin' zip
I've had an absolute cunt of a day
I've had an absolute cunt of a day
Everything that could go wrong did go wrong
So if I'm allowed to use the word cunt in a song
I've had an absolute cunt of a day

Then driving myself to doctors
Busted and bleeding, cock swollen and fuckin' throbbing
Not a good time to be stopped by the cops
I've had an absolute cunt of a day

The bastards didn't even let me explain
Just cuffed me up and hauled me off to jail
No fuckin' phone call no fuckin' bail
I've had an absolute cunt of a day

I've had an absolute cunt of a day
Everything that could go wrong did go wrong
So if I'm allowed to use the word cunt in a song
I've had an absolute cunt of a day

So your honour that's how it is
That's exactly how it started and how it ended all up here
And you fuckin' lot laughing ain't making it too easy
I've had an absolute cunt of a day

I'm in too much pain to plead
And I don't give a fuck if you don't believe me
Just take me out the back and fuckin' shoot me please
I've had an absolute cunt of a day
I've had an absolute cunt of a day
Everything that could go wrong did go wrong
So if I'm allowed to use the word cunt in a song
I've had an absolute cunt of a day
I've had an absolute cunt of a day
Just another one of them
Absolute cunt of a day