[Verse 1]
The Count has an eye on his ankle
And lives in a horrible place
He wants all your money
He's never at all funny
He wants to remove your face
And you might be thinking, what a romp this is
But wait 'til you meet his accomplices
When you see Count Olaf
You're suddenly full of
Disgust and despair and dismay

[Pre-Hook]
In the whole of the soul
Of Count Olaf there's no love
When you see Count Olaf, count to zero
Then scream and run away!
Scream, scream, scream and run away

[Hook]
Run, run, run, run, run, run, run
Or die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die
Run, run, run, run, run, run, run
Or die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die

[Verse 2]
Two women with powdered white faces
And one long-nosed bald man with warts
Things worsen and worsen
There's a hook-handed person
And others with nastier parts
This evil and unpleasant crew
Complete Count Olaf's acting troupe
The goal of Count Olaf is getting control of
The fortunes of urchins and orphans, hooray

[Pre-Hook]
I mean, horrors, Count Olaf
Is no laughing matter
When you see Count Olaf, count to zero
Then scream and run away!
Scream, scream, scream and run away

[Hook]
Run, run, run, run, run, run, run
Or die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die
Run, run, run, run, run, run, run
Or die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die