[Intro]
Determined to prove everyone wrong
Maizy packed her one good dress and her two good virtues
And headed for the big, scary city!

[Verse 1: Storyteller 1, Storyteller 2, & Both]
You take the truck
You take the truck
To the rock
To the rock
By the ducks by the dock, aw
Take a boat that'll float
To a donkey to a horse
To a bull to a turkey to a goat
And then you jump
And then you jump
You jump on the road
You jump on the road
'Til it runs out of dirt
By the Methodist Church
By the Baptist Church
By the Church of Christ where she got baptized
In the whiskey river
Where there used to be a barn before there was a twister
It's a skip
It's a skip
Then a frog
Then a frog
On a log to a great hound dog
Then a bus to a bus and you might need to rush
To an Uber to a train
Got a ticket with your name
And we just touched down on a Southwest plane
[Interlude: Ensemble]
And we just touched down on a Southwest plane!
Oh!

[Verse 2: Maizy & Ensemble]
In Tampa (Oh!)
I came all the way through Nashville and Atlanta! (Oh!)
Do I send a postcard over pigeon back to grandpa? (Oh!)
Tell him everything is beautiful in Tampa?
In Tampa (Oh!)
Everyone's a Tina or a Tamara!
It's a bleach and platinum blonde extravaganza!
Yeah, everyone is beautiful in Tampa!
It's not at all (It's not at all)
What I've been told (What she's been told)
The sand is white (White), the sun is gold (Gold)
And all the people are so old (People are so old)
Get a tan, take a stroll, and then dip your toe
In the Gulf of Mexico (Gulf of Mexico)
And they all said (And they all said)
I'd lose my way (She'd lose her way)
That this was just a big mistake
But how could I go wrong with Chinese Food (Oh)
And frozen yogurt every day? (Tampa!)

[Interlude: Storyteller 1, Storyteller 2, Ensemble]
Every day?
Every day?
Every single day!
[Verse 3: Maizy, Ensemble, Both]
They've got a doctor for your face
And one to freeze the fat away (Freeze the fat away)
And one to help you with addictions (Help you, addictions)
For afflictions such as porn
And one for corn!
And one for corn!
And one for corn!
In Tampa
Between the botox and the tannin' beds (Oh)
In plasma (Oh)
Now, there's a reason for another stanza! (Another stanza)
And I really should've brought a camera
Some guy offered me some thing called mara-wahna
Seems that they've got everything
Ocean breeze is why we sing
Seems that we've got everything
They've got everything
In Tampa!