Call me a cab and I'll tip the undertaker
That fool couldn't tell a real stiff from a faker
Well, I ain't no fool, I just play one on TV

'Cause misery loves company
That's why everyone loves me

Now, buy me a drink and I'll tell you all a story
'Bout a bastard who traded in treasure for glory
There treasure was true love, the bastard he was me

'Cause misery loves company
That's why everyone loves me

Well, I've been a rich man
I've been a poor man
Inside a Saturday night
I've done the works
And there's one thing I know
You can't win if it ain't a fair fight

I ain't seen the pastor since Sunday bloody morning
All the girls in the choir are in labor or mourning
Take one look in my eyes, I think you'll all agree

Because misery loves company
And that's why everyone loves me

I've done every shit job
Handed out nose jobs
Made a few friends in the tombs
But I've found that in most cases
Fixing the the rat race is
Better than pushing a broom

Now, who shall I marry the junkie or the jailer?
Your choices are few when you know you're a failure
But there's one thing that everyone in the bar agrees

That misery loves company
And that's why everyone loves me
Yeah, misery loves company
That's why everyone loves me
Yeah, misery loves company
That's why everyone loves me