[Intro]
Is there a klavern in your town? (In your town)
If not, then why not have us down? (Have us down)

[Verse 1]
You'll never recognize us, there's a smile upon our face
We're changin' all our dirty sheets and a-cleanin' up the place
Yep, since we got a lawyer and a public relations man
We're your friendly, liberal, neighborhood Ku-Klux-Klan

[Chorus]
Yes, we're your friendly, liberal, neighborhood Ku-Klux-Klan
Ever since we got that lawyer and that public relations man
Course we did shoot one reporter, but he was just obscene
And you can't call us no filthy names, what does Anglo-Saxon mean?

[Post-Chorus]
Allemande left, allemande right
The Ladies' Auxiliary is meetin' tonight
'Cause the Klan's collected so much cash
That now, by gum, we're rich white trash

[Verse 2]
Now, we've heard it said our leadership's not qualified to lead
Well, I'm tellin' you that just ain't true, why three of them can read
Take our Grand Exalted Dragon, now some folks think he's bad
But you should meet his sweet old mother and her brother, who's his dad
[Chorus]
Yes, they're your friendly, liberal, neighborhood Ku-Klux-Klan
And he's gonna run for governor soon as he's out of the can
We're all from fine old families, the pride of all these hills
Yep, seven generations at the same illegal stills

[Post-Chorus]
Had a little rally the other night
Shot up town in a fury
Luke's arrested, Pa's on trial
And the rest of us are on the jury

[Verse 3]
Now, we've heard them call us deadbeats, and we'd like to say we're not
We'll all stand on our record, and that's one thing we've all got
And we only have that arsenal so that you won't raise no fuss
And if you don't like that, then call the cops, 'cause the chances are they're us

[Chorus]
Yes, we're your friendly, liberal, neighborhood Ku-Klux-Klan
But somehow we went from the fire to the fryin' pan
We never learned to hold a job, and we never learned to write
But boy, we sure have learned the ropes, 'cause we use them every night

[Bridge 1]
Now, when Congress calls you, don't get stuck, just start confessin' and pass the buck
The Klubb blames the Klaxon, the Klaxon blames the Kleagle, the Kleagle blames the Grand Imperial Eagle
The Eagle blames the Wizard, the Wizard blames the Dragon, the Dragon takes the blame, but he's just braggin'
[Verse 4]
Now, we're out to show the Congress that we're oh so nice and meek
Why we never even take the Fifth, 'cause we drank that all last week
And you'll never hear us shootin' or hangin' people high
'Cause we're learnin' to respect the law and to have an alibi

[Bridge 2]
Oh, oh, come, come, come, come
Come to the church in the wildwood
Oh, come to the church in the vale (And, those dirty, lyin' witnesses, Lord, forgive them what they speak)
No spot is so dear to my childhood (We would go to church and pray for them, 'cept we blew it up last week)

[Outro]
Yes, we're your friendly, liberal, neighborhood Ku-Klux-Klan
And we sure do thank that lawyer and that public relations man
So we're sorry that we hung them, but they did have quite a tan
And it sure confused your friendly, liberal, misunderstood
Your friendly neighborhood Klan who says, "What's wrong with the hood?"
Your friendly, liberal, neighborhood Ku-Klux
Grab your Cadillac and head for the hills