Easter time is here again
And it’s the day we celebrate
The morning that the Easter Bunny rises from the grave
And if he sees his shadow then it’s six more weeks of winter
If he doesn’t see it, everyone gets Cadbury Crème Eggs
And he never sees his shadow, thank the Lord

Moses and the Hebrews never celebrated Easter
They were busy building pyramids and matzoh for the Greeks
So that night they set the Pharaoh’s clocks ahead one hour
And they all escaped, and that’s why we put colored eggs in baskets
With jellybeans and neon plastic grass

Plus there was that final supper with the twelve Apostles
But the word in Aramaic for “apostles” is “apeeps”
And that is how they got the name for those marshmallow treats
So every time you eat those little yellow chicks and bunnies
You actually are swallowing Apostles

So that’s the Easter story
Even though we didn’t mention
Anything about the burning bush
Or chocolate-covered Popes
You might want to do a bit more research on the details
‘cause in truth I mostly slept my way through Sunday school
But at least I’m pretty sure that’s how it goes