We are the opening band
We are here to do five or six or seven songs
"Don't go too long, and get the hell off the stage"
We are the opening band
We're probably not the band you came to see tonight
But it's alright, 'cause soon we'll go away

And we're wondering, just where the hell's the sound guy?
He disappeared just after we got up here
He's probably behind the building rolling up a fattie
And he'll be gone until our last song

We got a VW van
I had to sell every Star Wars figure that I had
And ask my Dad to co-sign for the loan
We don't got a whole lot of fans
Nobody asks for our autograph
And, sad to say, as of today, no panties have been thrown

And we're wondering if this was worth the drive here
We spent six hours in traffic on the highway
For fifty bucks, and half price on the cheese fries
And free Miller® Lite on tap
Who can drink that crap?

My cousin lives in town, and we'll be crashing at his place
Unless his girlfriend's home from college and she's staying for the weekend
And if she is, then we will have to go and park the van
Behind the IHOP by the Turnpike
And we'll sleep in the back seat

And we're wondering just where the headline act is
They're prob'ly getting wasted in the green room
And they don't give a rat's ass who we are
So when they start to play up here
We're gonna drink all their beer

We are the opening band
We hope that all of you sign up on our mailing list
And buy our disc and t-shirts (in black and gray)
We are the opening band
And we only got about 25 more minutes left
That's all we get to blow your ass away

We are the opening band
We are the opening band
Hello
Hello
Hello