He wears a green felt hat because he's got no hair
A lot of people don't even know he's there
He buys sweets for little children, and then they refuse him
The world's had him a long time but can't use him

He's my old Uncle Hartington
He needs us, we don't need him
There goes the doorbell
No, don't let him in

He's come 'round again uninvited
Unexciting when none of us delighted

But he's a blood relation, let him in

He smokes a foul tobacco stinking out the room
He tries so hard to be so nice, I so hate him
He's holy and good and wonderful and kind and sweet as treacle
If ever you want a favor done, well he will

He's my old Uncle Hartington
He needs us, we don't need him
There goes the doorbell
No, don't let him in

But he's a blood relation, let him in
"Please let me in"