[Verse 1]
Ol' Saint Nick's got bourbon breath
It's so cold you could catch your death
A cop sold me some crystal meth
It's a Merry Fuckin' Christmas

[Verse 2]
Everything's so Christmas-y
The streets are twinklin' with frozen pee
My priest just sat on Santa's knee
It's a Merry Fuckin' Christmas

[Chorus]
All the kids go to bed each night to dream what Santa brings 'em (Brings 'em)
Unless they're Jewish or Muslim or some other gyp religion

[Verse 3]
Crappy toys flying off the shelves
Midgets dressed up to look like elves
Spread good cheer or burn in hell
It's a Merry Fuckin' Christmas

[Chorus]
All the kids go to bed each night to dream what Santa brings 'em
Unless they're Jewish or Muslim or some other gyp religion
[Verse 4]
Cracklin' fires to keep me warm
And my collection of Asian porn
Cradle my bells and work my horn
It's a keep on truckin', last year suckin', midget chuckin', slap the puckin', how much wood could a wood chuck chuckin'
Merry Fuckin' Christmas

[Outr]
HO HO HO
Shut up