(Ever since Ed flunked out of the Spiegel catalogue thing, cause he was trying to get his job modeling circular saws and socket sets---Spiegel, you're all familiar with Spiegel? They turned him down, and Ed, kinda went, he started drinking wine---but we caught him before he got down to the bottom. I’m gonna do one more for you, and I'm gonna let Rich get ready. Rich has a great song, called "cans," and I want him to do his two other songs that make his next door neighbor cry the most. It's called Small Town Hero.)

High school, high school, college too
Church on Sunday, learn the Golden Rule
Cause the devil might get you before he gets through
He might get you before he gets through

Small town hero, baseball team
Loudmouth nosey, although never says a thing
Tries to get some lovin’ with his high school ring
Tries to get it with his high school ring

He's always talking 'bout the things he's gonna do
Goes round breakin' little guys in two
Somebody gonna get him before he gets through
Bound to get him before he gets through

Cheerleaders, cheerleaders, yeah yeah yeah
Rah rah rah, you got nothin' to tell
Always in your seat before you heard the bell
That bell, it don't ring no more

Mommy, mommy, what went wrong?
Too late for questions, now you're on your own
Mommy’s broke down, and your daddy’s gone
They just couldn't make it work no more
High school, high school, college too
Church on Sunday, learn the Golden Rule
’Cuase the devil, he might get you before he gets through
He might get you before he gets through