[MENDEL]
Homosexuals
Women with children
Short insomniacs
And a teeny tiny band

Come back in
The welcome mat is on the floor
Let's begin
This story needs an ending

A homosexual
Father with children
One bar mitzvah that
Is scrupulously planned

[MENDEL, TRINA, MARVIN, WHIZZER & JASON]
Lovers come and lovers go
Lovers fight and sing fortissimo
Give these handsome boys a hand
Welcome to Falsettoland

[TRINA & WHIZZER]
Nancy Reagan
Meanest and thinnest of the First Ladies
Moves into the White House
[MARVIN, JASON & MENDEL]
Ya-bah-dah-bah

[WHIZZER & TRINA]
It's the '80s

[MARVIN, JASON & MENDEL]
Ya-bah-dah-bah

[WHIZZER & TRINA]
Ooh, the '80s,

[MARVIN, JASON & MENDEL]
Ya-bah-dah-bah

[MEN, TRINA]
What a world we live in

[MEN]
March, march, march of the Falsettos
March of the Falsettos

[TRINA]
What a world we live in

[MEN, WOMEN]
(Ooh) Who is man enough to march to
(Ah-ooh) March of the Falsettos
[ALL]
Ya-bah-dah-bah

[CHARLOTTE & CORDELIA]
Spiky lesbians

[DR. CHARLOTTE]
Woman internist

[CORDELIA]
Shiksa caterer

[CORDELIA & CHARLOTTE]
Who is trying to expand

[ALL]
Everybody on your mark

[CORDELIA & CHARLOTTE]
Congregate in Central Park

[MARVIN, WHIZZER & MENDEL]
Pretty boys are in demand

[ALL]
Welcome to Falsettoland
Whee!
Whoo!
What a world we live in!
Whee!
Whoo!
What a world we live in!
[Marvin knocks down their homes, causing the pieces to crash and fall in a domino chain reaction.]

[MARVIN]
It's about time, don't you think?
It's about time to grow up, don't you think?
It's about time to grow up and face the music
It's about time

Since we last spoke
Two years are waning
I'll try explaining
Just what you've missed
We called a truce
And fitfully we coexist
I'm still loose
She's still with the psychiatrist

So I don't have a psychiatrist
Except on the Jewish holidays
But I still have my son on the weekends
Just on the weekends
And some very good friends
But I don't have a lover anymore
Oh my God
When am I gonna get over this?
When am I gonna get over this?
When am I gonna get over this?

[WHIZZER, CHARLOTTE & CORDELIA]
Homosexuals

[TRINA & JASON]
Women with children

[MARVIN & WHIZZER]
Ex-ex lovers

[MENDEL]
And a teeny tiny band

[ALL]
Welcome to Falsettoland

[CORDELIA]
Shiksa caterers

[WITH MENDEL & JASON]
Short insomniacs

[WITH CHARLOTTE]
Hypochondriacs

[WITH MARVIN]
Yiddish Americans

[WITH WHIZZER]
Spiky families
Radiologists
Intellectuals

[WITH TRINA]
Nervous wrecks!

[They all sigh.]

[ALL]
Welcome to Falsettoland

[MARVIN]
It's about time, don't you think
It's about time to grow up, don't you think
It's about time to grow up and face the music
It's about time

One day I'd like to be
As mature as my son, who Is twelve and a half
And this tall!
That's all I'd like to be
That's all!

It's about growing up, getting older, living on a lover's shoulder
Learning love is not a crime
It's about time
It's about time
It's about time
It's about—