[PANCH, spoken]
Please spell, "telephone."

[SPELLERS all react to the easy word with assorted grumbles, e.g. "Aw, what! C’mon! Telephone?!"]

[CHIP]
My oh my

[CHIP & OLIVE]
That word’s so moronic

[SCHWARZY]
I could cry
I want words as lame!

[PANCH, spoken]
Mr. Coneybear...

[LEAF]
Semper fi
I feel supersonic

[MR. PANCH, spoken]
Spell "hospital."

[SPELLERS grumble.][MARCY]
That is why
I despise this game[CONEYBEAR]
H-o-s-p-i-
T-a-l, "Hospital."[PANCH, spoken]
That is correct. Mr. Tolentino...
[CHIP & CONEYBEAR]
Life is random and unfair
Life is pandemonium

[PANCH, spoken]
"Staphylococcus."

[CHIP, spoken]
Aww!

[ALL SPELLERS]
That’s the reason we despair

[CHIP]
Life is pandemonium

[CONEYBEAR]
Life is pandemonium

[CHIP]
Life is pandemonium

[BARFEE]
Life is pandemonium

[PANCH, spoken]
"Broccoli."
[CONEYBEAR]
I knew that word

[OLIVE]
I knew that word

[BARFEE]
I knew that word

[ALL SPELLERS]
Goddamn it!

[CHIP]
It is such a calamity

[ALL SPELLERS]
Where should we begin?
The best spellers[CHIP]
Don’t necessarily
Win 
[SPELLERS]
Life is pandemonium
Life is pandemonium[MARCY]
Set your sights
I am on a mission
[MR. PANCH, spoken]
Miss Park, "Antediluvian."

[SCHWARZY]
We have rights

(spoken to audience volunteer)
We have rights!

(sung)
That’s why we complain

[PANCH, spoken]
Mr. Barfee, "Halitosis."

[BARFEE]
Damn, life bites
But I like competition

[PANCH, spoken]
Miss Ostrovsky: "Schematic."

[OLIVE]
In these lights
Can you feel our pain?

[PANCH, spoken]
Somebody spell "crayon."

[SPELLERS, spoken]
Crayon?!

[MITCH]
Life is random and unfair
Life is pandemonium

[ALL SPELLERS]
That’s the reason we despair

[CHIP]
Life is pandemonium

[MITCH]
Life is pandemonium

[CHIP]
Life is pandemonium

[BARFEE]
Life is pandemonium!

[PANCH, spoken]
"Dinosaur."

[CHIP]
I knew that word

[ALL SPELLERS]
I knew that word

[CHIP]
I knew that word

[ALL SPELLERS]
Goddammit!
It is such a calamity
Where should we begin?
The best spellers[CHIP]
Don’t necessarily win
They don’t win
They don’t win
They don’t win[SPELLERS]

Life is pandemonium
Life is pandemonium[BARFEE]
No, they don't!

[CHIP & OTHERS]
Life is random and unfair[CHIP]
Life is pandemonium

Yes, it is


Oh, yes, it is![OTHER SPELLERS]
Life is pandemonium
Life is pandemonium
Life is pandemonium
Life is pandemonium
Life is pandemonium
Life is pandemonium
Life is pandemonium![CHIP]
Yes, it is!

[OTHER SPELLERS]
Yeah!