[CARNEY, spoken]
The St. Imelda's Players have the distinct privilege of presenting for your play-going perusal and dramatic discernment "The Importance of Being Earnest", with Mr. William Carney in the leading role of Algernon.

[CARNEY]
You're at that daily grind
When you suddenly come to find
That you're going up!

Who gives a sausage then
For the orders of mortal men
When you're going up!

When life's all meager scraps,
Don't you lose heart, sir.
Drop that cleaver
Grab the old taps, and perhaps

You'll land a meaty part, sir!
You butcher, busman, clerk!
There is no line of work
That makes the old marrow glow
Like going up!

[MRS. GRACE, spoken]
Margaret Grace returns to St. Imelda's after a brief absence brought on by her husband's condition. Maggie is perhaps best remembers for her Katisha in "The Mikado" and her portrayal of St. Joan. Her watercolors may be seen in the lobby. They are for purchase!
[CARNEY]
One moment life is slow!

[MRS. GRACE]
You're painting pansies.

[BALDY]
Fate shows up
And hands you a show
And hello!

[ALL]
You're gong up!

[BALDY, spoken]
James Michael O'Shea, or "Baldy" as he is known to one and all, has stage-managed every production at St. Imelda's since its founding. His late wife, Mary, will be remembered for her many performances on our stage. Mr. O'Shea is a retired publican.

[MISS CROWE, spoken]
Oona Crowe was Miss Prism in last season's performance of "The Importance of Being Earnest" but her favorite role remains the title one in our centennial production of "Peter Pan".

[MISS CROWE, CARNEY, MRS. GRACE, BALDY]
Your sky is painted blue

[MISS CROWE]
You can fly like you're twenty-two
[ALL]
'Cause you're going up!

[ERNIE]
Ernest Lally will be remembered by St. Imelda's audiences for his sterling portrayal of Mustardseed in "A Midsummer Night's Dream".

[ALL, plus ERNIE]
You may play royalty

[ERNIE]
Or just spear-bearer number three

[ALL]
But you're going up!

[RASHER, spoken]
Rasher Flynn is a founding member of St. Imelda's and appeared in our inaugural production of "Pygmalion" as Colonel Pickering. In his youth, Rasher was an all-Ireland gymnast.

(RASHER takes a drag on his cigarette and coughs)

[SULLY O'HARA, spoken]
Sully O'Hara, currently unemployed, is making his theatre debut with this production. Thank you.

[ALL, plus RASHER and SULLY]
The house may not be packed
But don't let go, sit.
You've got scenes to play!
[CARNEY, spoken]
"Oh, that this too too solid flesh should melt."

[ALL]
You've got lines to say!

[CARNEY]
"Alas poor Yorick, I knew him Horatio!"

[ALL]
You've got fans who want to get carried away!

[MRS. CURTIN, speaking]
Maureen Curtin was a child star of the Dublin Music Hall and has kept her skills well-honed. This performance marks her return to the stage after some years. The Curtins have nine children: Deirdre, Padric, Rosaline, Fintan, Rebecca, Juliet, Anton, George Bernard, and Portia.

[ALL]
The house may not be packed
But even so, sir--

[CARNEY, spoken]
Bow to the highest ring. That's where you used to sit! Let them see your eyes, let them take you in, and then with humility, the tip top of your head. You were good tonight, Carney. You're right! I was damn good!

[ALL]
You butcher, busman, clerk!
There's just one line of work
That makes real life
Seem so
Long ago
And it's going up!
Going up!
We're going--

[CARNEY, spoken]
Fellow thespians, prepare to meet your public!

[ALL]
Up!