[Intro, spoken]
Our period of waiting is over. This is the time!

[Verse 1: Paul Heaton]
She'd brought along the oranges, he'd brought the tea
They both brought along a sick-bag just in case
The plate of chicken sandwiches were lovely, they agreed
And I watched him spit the bits into her face

[Pre-Chorus 1: Briana Corrigan, Heaton]
"Do you love me like you used to?" he sighs
"I love you twice as much," she replies
They were on the train to Venice, where else?
I think tonight I fancy myself

[Chorus: Dave Hemingway, Heaton]
I'd rather drink that toast to my own health
I think tonight I'd rather love myself
And if you drink that drink to your own health
I think tonight I'd rather love myself

[Verse 2: Heaton]
Later in the evening, the sun came rolling down
And they talked about their fantasies and fears
Between the heavy breathing and those lighter licking sounds
I heard him whisper this question in her ear:
[Pre-Chorus 2: Corrigan, Heaton]
"Would you still love me if I lost my legs?"
"I'd see that you were loved and you were fed"
"I end up in a car crash almost dead"
"For richer and for partly severed head"

[Chorus: Hemingway, Heaton]
I'd rather drink that toast to my own health
I think tonight I'd rather love myself
And if you drink that drink to your own health
I think tonight I'd rather love myself

[Bridge: Heaton]
The neighbours ask them out, but they flatly refuse:
"We're saving up for a world-wide cruise"
With a choice between a loneliness and love-sick QE2's
Well, tonight I choose self-abuse

[Outro: Heaton]
A four-pack in the fridge, a good book on the shelf
I think tonight I'd rather love myself