[Verse 1, Paul Heaton]
It was the middle of winter
And I drove us in my car
Well, the snow started fallin'
So we stopped off at a bar
Well, the beer jugs started flowin'
And your mother and I took the floor
But by the last dance, we were tired
So I booked a room next door

[Chorus 1, Paul Heaton]
So if anyone asks you
If you come from heaven above
You're from a one-star motel
With a five-star passionate love

[Verse 2, Jacqui Abbott]
It was a hot summer's day (hey, hey)
And we drove there in our car
And your father was thirsty
So we had to find a bar
Well, he wouldn't stop drinking
And he couldn't stand on his feet
We had to walk to a hotel
And book ourselves into a suite
[Chorus 2, Jacqui Abbott]
So if the teacher asks you
"Are you from heaven or are you from hell?"
You're from a one-star drunken screw
In a one-star motel
Yes, if the teacher asks you
"Are you from heaven or are you from hell?"
You're from a pitch-black toilet
In a highway Taco Bell

[Verse 3, Paul Heaton]
I'll remember the birth
For the rest of my time on this land
Your mother sweating buckets
And me holdin' onto her hand

[Jacqui Abbott]
Well, your father was absent
He claimed he couldn't find the ward
Just tugging on mezcal
Trying to eat the umbilical cord

[Chorus 3]
So if anyone asks you
"Do you know where you're from?", say yes
You're from your mother's womb
And your father's stinking breath
And if they ask you how you got here
Tell 'em just what it took
Your father's stinking breath
And your mother's stinking mood

[Refrain]
Your father and I won't tell the whole truth
Your father and I won't tell the truth
Your father and I won't tell the whole truth
Your father and I won't tell the truth
Your father and I won't tell the whole truth
Your father and I won't tell the truth
Won't tell the truth...

[Bridge]
Aha, hey, ah-hey
Aha...
Na na na, na na na...

[Refrain]