[Intro, spoken]
When Mum locked me in the coal shed
After the incident, with the chainsaw and the latex rabbit
And the girl guides and the tent
She fed me poundcakes under the door
She gave me a radio!
I drool and smile and swivel that dial
To the Doctor Demento Show!
I've stayed tuned in for 20 years
But now it's plain as plain
Oh, come on, Mum, and let me out!
Compared to him, I'm sane!

[Verse 1]
Well, bless my little pointed head, I'm howling at the moon
I'm nutty as a fruitcake when the Doctor plays my tune!
Dementions and Dementites from Saint Lou to Sacramento
Know the weirdo with the beardo that the kids all call Demento!
Listen each week, and ya might just freak
And your senses will grow dim!
You'll hit that crackpot jackpot
And end up just like him!
Calling all the funny farms, it's crazy time again
Bring out the beer, the doctor's here to scramble up your brain!
Oh-oh-oh-oh, he's the guy, the reason why
Your funnybone was invented
If you're inclined to lose your mind
Well, let's all get Demented!
D-E-M-E-N-T-O, Doctor Demento!
[Verse 2]
He's the chap that Norman Bates would take home to his mum
With songs about dead puppies, and fish heads (eat 'em up, yumm!)
Crazy words and Crazy Tunes, Spike Jones and a little bit of Punk Bear
He don't give a $#%@ about Middle of the Road unless there's a dead skunk there!
Flo and Eddie, Cheech and Chong, and discs that won't go Platinum
Sung by folks that they keep locked up, so other folks can't get attythem!
Calling all the crazy houses, every padded cell
I've run amok, I'm Donald Duck, (Napoleon, as well!)
My-my-my radio brings me that show that keeps me so contented
I'm King of the Zulus, I've got a screw loose, let's all get Demented!
D-E-M-E-N-T-O, Doctor Demento!

[Verse 3]
Exacaly, A to Zackaly, it's Barnes and Barnes the goons
Steve Martin, Shaving Foam and National Lampoon!
(They're coming to take me away, ha-haaa!) a geek with a neck like a pencil
Monty Python, Loudon Wainwright, Gumby, Ogden Edsl
Zappa and Elvira, and Weird Al Yankovic(h)
It goes to show that Demento is one weird son of a (bark)!
Callin' all around the world, it's time to get delirious
Try Dr. D, and then you'll see (you cannot be serious!)
If you complain that he's insane, he'd be so complimented
Don't touch that dial, go hogwild, let's all get Demented!
D-E-M-E-N-T-O, Doctor Demento!