When I was a kid in 1956
My big brother showed me some disgusting tricks
Sitting in the bathroom on my own
Wanking to the rhythm of me gramophone

And I was going
1-2-3-4 change hands
5-6-7-8 change hands
9-10-11-12 change hands
All you need is the rhythm and the wrist control
And you can do the w*nker's rock 'n' roll

Well I tried to do the shimmy, I tried to do the twist
I tried to do the tango, I nearly broke me wrist
The women all point at me and scoff
Say "You won't need me 'til your hand drops off"

And I'm going
1-2-3-4 change hands
5-6-7-8 change hands
9-10-11-12 change hands
All you need is the rhythm and the wrist control
And you can do the wanker's rock 'n' roll

Give me a 'W'
Give me an 'A'
Give mе an 'N'
Give me a 'K'
Give mе an 'E'
Give me a 'R'
Stick it all together and what's that spell?
I've got Great Balls Of Fire
I've got blisters on me palms
I've got Willie And The Hand-Jive
And muscular arms
The Teds call me "Wanker"
When I'm walking down the street
'Cause I love to jerk my gherkin
To the Boogie-Woogie beat

And I'm going
1-2-3-4 change hands
5-6-7-8 change hands
9-10-11-12 change hands
All you need is the rhythm and the wrist control
And you can do the wanker's rock 'n' roll

When Long Tall Sally met Johnny B. Goode
He didn't do nothing but pull his pud'
Just the wrist and the fist and you can't go wrong
Doing the Hand-Jive all night long

[Chorus]