I'm best friends with Optimus Prime
The godfather of the Cylon-Hybrid child
I ride my bicycle to work
And I've never been a jerk
I've got a spare umbrella every time it's storming
And I'm a Mormon

Well when Luke went down to take out the Death Star
He flipped that targetting computer on
I was the voice inside his head saying
"Use the force instead,"
I taught Green Day to live without warning
And I'm a Mormon

Well your faith has been around for centuries
But mine just put my family on TV
Yeah I'm similar to you
Just a little more improved
Yeah the life I lead's the one you've always wanted
And I'm a Mormon

When it was looking like all hope was lost
I captured all of Al-Qaeda inside a pokeball
Yeah this might be big of me
Man I love polygamy
Oh I really wish that kind of thing was normal
'Cause I'm a Mormon

And when aliens invaded the planet
And we didn't know if we would survive
It was Will Smith and me fighting for humanity
Yeah our popup ads are anything but boring
And I'm a Mormon

Well your faith has been around for centuries
But mine just put my family on TV
Yeah I'm similar to you
Just a little more improved
Yeah the life I lead's the one you've always wanted
And I'm a Mormon

I'm just as middle class and happy as can be
Maybe you've seen my commercials on TV
Having faith is so much fun
Yeah I'm telling everyone that if having your own planet is important
Become a Mormon
Well your faith has been around for centuries
But mine just put my family on TV
Oh if he could just see me
Joseph Smith would be tickled pink
I wake up to a new wife every morning
And I'm a Mormon