Dane Cook
Car Accident
We love car accidents in this country. We're obsessed with car accidents!
I know your like me, it's like 2 in the morning, it's dead quiet
Your in you're house watching tv, your in bed
All of a sudden outside at the corner you hear
SCREECH
Damnit! Shit that sounded like it was going to hit
You always want it to hit. SCREECH. Come on! Nothing! Uh
Then when you finally hear the crash your psyched, it's like
Screech where are my shoes? Yes, where are my shoes?
Have you seen my shoes? Fuck it, I'm going out without shoes
I'm going out shoeless. Right, you come out of you're house
All you're neighbours are coming out, everyones coming out
Your like waving at each other. You're psyched to see each other
Come on! Lets go, you wanna go together?
Come on lets go, you me and you, no no, you wait for the next group
You wait for the next group. We'll go as a team, no no you wait
You wait for the next group
Then you get out there, it's no big deal
But everyone stands out there for like, 2 extra hours
It's over, no ones hurt or anything but everyone has to stay out there
Even if it's hot everyone acts like it's cold and shit. Hey, what's up (chilly)
Just had to see what was going on
And It doesn't matter who you start talking to
I guarantee everyone is having the same exact conversation
No matter who you get into it with, all anybody is saying like back
And forth is like, Yeah, yeah well no I was in my kitchen
And I heard it so I came out. You were in your living room?
I was in my kitchen cleaning a dish. I heard it, I came out
What you were in you're basement? He was in his living
I was in the kitchen cleaning a dish, I was really cleaning
And I heard it so I came out. What? Shoes? No, no, Fuck shoes!
Haha shoes, hahaha listen to this guy with shoes
Hahaha you, Shoes, over here
And everyone always wants to be a part of like the police
You know what I mean. We always wanna be involved
We wanna talk to the cops when ever they come to your, you know
Officer, yeah yeah, I'm sorry, yeah I just want you to know
If it helps in your investigation, I was in my kitchen, and I heard it
So I came out. I will testify in court I was cleaning a dish
I will bring the dish as exhibit A. And this guy, he was in his basement
Tell him what you told me, tell him what you told me
That's not what he told me, he's lying, that's not what you told me