I finally got to see something I've always wanted to witness live
I finally saw someone get hit by a car
Nailed, this guy got hit right in the hip
That's your center of gravity and that sends you flipping through the air
Like Eddie Gordo from Tekken when someone doesn't know
How to do combos and they're just hitting the buttons randomly

I always just miss it, right?
I'm looking, and then I go to order my twisty cone
*Collision noise*
Oh what, what happened?!
The guy got hit? No
I just went to order my twisty cone and I missed it

This guy gets nailed.. this is the setup
He's walking down the street and he's doing that whacky speed walk...
He's got the buds in his ears, and I don't know what you're listening to
That makes you do this fucking walk
Maybe just a tambourine or maracas
You're just.. *shookashookashookashooka*
So Johnny Tambourine is walking down the street
He's got the "not a good time to cross" signal
As he's going across, I see the car *car noise* coming down the street
When I see the car coming, I'm like...
"Yesssss finally. don't talk to me. don't talk to me I gotta see this."
*collision noise*

The guy goes flying into the air, his shoes flew off
When you get hit by a car, sometimes your shoes will fly off
Sometimes your pants will come off
But I was not fortunate enough to see the pants portion on this strike

And before I go any further, here's the best part
This is how he lands on the other side of the car
Which was a dodge by the way
And I thought that was kind of funny and ironic
I just -- I got a little humor out of that
I did try to help this man
As the car was coming towards him I reached out and I said
"ohhhhh. ohhhhh."
That's all I could think of to say
Theres so many things now in retrospect that I would love
I would love to have been like "you're about to get struck by a vehicle!!!"
I did not have time to say "You're about to get struck by a vehicle"
So I went with "ohhhhh!" which is like a concerned moan
The guy gets tagged okay, the greatest part of the story
He's in the air flipping around
This is how he lands on the other side of the car
He comes down perfectly on his feet and then he jumps in the air
And he starts walking around, embarassed
He's trying to play it off like he didn't just get hit, by a car

People around him are like...

--"Oh my god! Oh my god! Are you alright? Are you okay?"
He's like ...
--"I'm fine, I'm fine. Seriously, I'm fine. I'm a little bit hungry
But uh other than that I'm fi-"
--"No you should really sit down, you're bleeding from the ears."
--"I know, I know that. I do that
Every couple of weeks I empty the blood out of my own head
It's tradition in my family. Has anyone seen my shoes?
I kicked them off in a fit of joy
I love getting struck by vehicles and sometimes
I'll kick my shoes off in a fit of joy
I'm fine I'm just gonna go over here and puke shards of my own
Pelvis into this bush."
*puking noises*