[Verse 1]
Good evening parents, tonight I'm gonna take you on a tour: Club Bad
Where all the bad little kids go
To try to leave their bodies, by various means and methods, anything necessary
Some things that you quite won't be accustomed to
So I equipt each and everyone of you with your own individual camera
So that you can take pictures of these bad little kids, doin' these bad little things
For tomorrow's paper
So whip out your fifteen dollars and prepare to enter Club Bad

[Verse 2]
Wouldn't you know it, not here more than thirty seconds and already I see a bad little kid doin' bad little things!
He is sucking on a balloon
Now, this is not an ordinary balloon, parents
It's a balloon filled with the gas called nitrous oxide
Laughing gas, hi hi hi hi hi, ha ha
But this is no laughing matter
Camera's ready, prepare the flash

[Verse 3]
Now over here we have little Johnny and Miss Sue
Smokin' on a joint!
This is not the thing to do!
I think that we have to take pictures of these two
Camera's ready, prepare the flash

[Verse 4]
Now, over here
We have some naughty, naughty kids
They brought in their own liquor to the party
Now we cannot have that now, parents, can we?
Six packs and Pipes, I think not, so
Camera's ready, prepare the flash