Stockings are hung near the chimney
And the presents are under the tree
And mama's in the kitchen
Making some herbal tea
Windows are covered with frost
And the candles are all alight
But as I wander through this quiet house
Something just doesn't seem right

You see, every year the neighbors bring us
A Swiss Colony beef log
But the neighbors aren't around (around, around)
There's no beeflog to be found this year
No beeflog

Christmas, isn't Christmas
Without a Swiss Colony beef log
Without those cheeses and meat
I don't think I can get along
My mother tries to comfort me
She says "Here son, have some eggnog"
I fucking hate eggnog, seriously

But what do I see?
Underneath the tree?
Grandma got a Swiss Colony beef log
Just for me! Aah, aah, aah, grandma!
Swiss Colony beef log, baby
That's what Christmas is all abouut!
A roly-poly Colony beef log, lady
Makes a little boy scream and shout!

Deck the halls with with boughs of Swiss Colony
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!
Sweet!