[Verse 1]
I was a cook
And she was a waitress
Down at the Salty Sam Seafood Café
And somewhere 'tween the clam juice and the seaweed salad
Some little shrimp just lured her away

[Chorus]
Oh, I lobster and never flounder
He wrapped his line around her
And they drove off in his carp
Oh, I lobster and never flounder
I octopus his face in
Eel only break her heart

[Verse 2]
I said, "Just squid and leave me
For that piano tuna
If you want to trout something new"
She was the bass I ever had
Now my life has no porpoise
Oh, my cod, I love her, yes, I do

[Chorus]
Oh, I lobster and never flounder
He wrapped his line around her
And they drove off in his carp
Oh, I lobster and never flounder
I octopus his face in
Eel only break her heart
[Outro]
"Boy, I swordfish she'd come back to me, Sandy
I'd shore her a whale of a time"
"Now, Richard, you know she'd just pull that 'Not tonight, I've got a haddock' routine"
"You're probably right, but y'know, I've kelp her picture in my walleye just for the halibut
I wonder if she's still got mine in her perch"
"Did you, did you say 'perch'"
"Yeah, I'm afraid so"
"That's good, for a moment there, I thought I was losing my
Herring" *audience groans*
"Well, we bass squid all this seahorsing around before these people out here go into a state of shark"
"Yeah, if we get out of here alive, it's going to be a mackerel" "Frankly scallop I don't give a clam"