Now, help us again here ladies and gentlemen, by applause, is there anyone here tonight proud to be from Texas
Alright, we are too, well he is
Now help us again now, by applause ladies and gentlemen, how many people in here tonight have made love with a farm animal
Them damn mosquitoes down here are terrible man, huh
Now wait, wait just a minute here, he kinda caught me offguard there a little bit
I thought there would be more people clapping than that
Eh, you should have heard the response we got to that when we played down at A&M
Yeah, about half the audience down there clapped, the rest of them just kinda sat there with a dumb look on their face
Swishing their tails back and forth
I don't want anybody to get the wrong idea now, 'cause I would never do anything like that, again
Naw, no, I'm just kid ha ha ha, I'm just kidding, I wouldn't do anything like that, but
Way too many problems associated with something like that you know
You can't bring 'em flowers, they just eat the sum'bitches
What's worse than that, the next time you see 'em, they act like they don't even know you
Now, I, I wouldn't do anything like that, uh, I tell you what I did do one time
I was reading an article in a little small town newspaper about a guy who actually got caught making love to a farm animal
And I couldn't believe it, well that he got caught anyway
It kinda got me to thinking and wondering about stuff, all the ramifications of doing that
All of a sudden, I started wondering what great songs would be like if they were written about love relationships with farm animals
Y'all ever think about that
Naahh
Well maybe it is just me, I don't know, uh
Nah, it'd be, now think of if the Beatles had written about that
You'd have songs like "something in the way she moo's', ha ha ha ha, attracts me like no other harper
How about, if I had a heifer I'd have her in the morning, I'd have her in the evening, all over my land
Or how 'bout, how 'bout 'you gotta kiss an Angus good morning'
Or how 'bout group sex with animals you'd have songs like, uh, this lamb is your lamb, this lamb is my lamb, this lamb was made for you and me
That's sick
Hey wait a minute, and don't blame me man, some of them songs you don't even have to change the words to
About the old grey mare, she ain't what she used to be
Irresistible ewe
And you know, it kinda made me wonder what Cole Porter was doing when he wrote 'don't fence me in'
This has gotta be the best crowd we have had in a while
In fact, uh, I'm starting to fell bad now that we don't have a better act
You probably feel that way about your date, don't you