Susie is my cousin, and that's the gospel truth
Three more in the family, Rebekah, Jane and Ruth
I'll tell you the trouble she had with William Rider
Took the poor girl out and treated her and gave her sour cider (?)
But I don't reckon it'll happen again for months and months and months
But I don't reckon it'll happen again for months and months and months

Sue she went to Sunday School with that Rider man
When the preacher went to preach, she shoo-flied with her fan
When they passed the plate around, she would not give her mite
She had lost her hearing from a gallon (he provide (?))
But I don't reckon it'll happen again for months and months and months
But I don't reckon it'll happen again for months and months and months

Sue she went to supper, she was glad she went
She ate steak fried in butter, poor Billy hadn't a cent
Ah, you William Rider, with cider he did load her
Blew the fool drink like a mule and died with the hydropho-ba
But I don't reckon it'll happen again for months and months and months
But I don't reckon it'll happen again for months and months and months

An Irishman went to turn an elephant around
The elephant took its trunk and slapped old Paddy down
The Irishman said, "You great big ugly brute
If I knew which end your head was on, I'd job you in the snoot"
But I don't reckon it'll happen again for months and months and months
But I don't reckon it'll happen again for months and months and months
They wanted the highway up to Woodsbury Pike
They thought it was going to Hall Hill Road and they all got on a hike
Some was mad and some was glad and some took some offense
But everybody raised a little sand when they had to move the fence
But I don't reckon it'll happen again for months and months and months
But I don't reckon it'll happen again for months and months and months

I went to bed the other night and dreamed that I was dead
I went right up to the pearly gates and to Saint Peter said
"I just came up from Knoxville," He says "I do declare
Come right on in you are the first that ever came from there"
But I don't reckon it'll happen again for months and months and months
But I don't reckon it'll happen again for months and months and months