Well, I walk up to you
And I shake your hand
Ask you how your day was
You were up all night?
That sucks, I understand

And now hurry the fuck up
'Cause I don't wanna wait
I'm in a hurry, and it's your fault
I'm steppin' twenty minutes late

'Cause I'm a pilot
I only care about me
I don't give a fuck if I bring your jet back
Code 2 or Code 3

'Cause I'm a pilot
And I never make mistakes
I take the credit if it ain't broken
I'll blame you if it breaks

Well I don't even know
Where the oil filter lies
But I'll tell you "Fix it faster, god dammit"
'Cause I'm the one who flies!
And I'll leave FOD in the cockpit
Without even a trace
And I'll over-g the targeting pod
With a smile on my face

'Cause I'm a pilot
I only care about me
I don't give a fuck if I bring your jet back
Code 2 or Code 3

'Cause I'm a pilot
And I never make mistakes
I take the credit if it ain't broken
I'll blame you if it breaks

Well I'll put out some chaff
Maybe a flare? Ah, fuck it!
'Cause when I get back, I wanna see you have to replace
The whole damn bucket

And the ECM pod
That one's my favorite joke
Forget to turn it on? Fuck no! It just pisses me off
When somethin' ain't broke

'Cause I'm a pilot
And I'm a mean old son of a bitch
Yeah I know it sucks and it's all cold and rainy and here I am inside my cockpit all warm and toasty
Hey Crew Chief, while you're at it, why don't you get my tapes for me?
What, you think I want to hold this helmet bag all damn day?

Well I'll piss on your seat
And blame it on a leak
Ah wait, gotta think of something else
That's the same excuse that I used last week

Hooah!

When I'm taxiing in
Do whatever it is you do
You can do a dance, pull down your pants
I don't care, I'm not even lookin' at you!

And I'm sorry I scratched your jet up
Well maybe she had an itch
'Cause your baby may have your name on her
But I just made her my bitch

'Cause I'm a pilot
I only care about me
I don't give a fuck if I bring your jet back
Code 2 or Code 3
'Cause I'm a pilot
And I never make mistakes
I take the credit if it ain't broken
I'll blame you if it breaks