A long, long time ago
In an Air Force far away
Nobody told a fighter pilot what he could not say
He could have a smoke in the cockpit
He could get stone drunk at the bar
And I know some things had to change
But we've gone too fuckin' far!

Now you can't say this
You can't say that
Some fuckin' shoe clerk just might get upset
And I just can't believe all our luck!
You gotta be in the Guard to say "fuck"

Well they say that we've got talent
But judgment's what we lack
Like singin' our songs for the Colonel's wife
Well, we won't take it back

She said she was offended
But that only made us smile
Because deep down, we knew she loved it
And she was only in denial

Now I don't think it could get any worse
You can't frickin' drink and you can't effin' curse
And I just can't believe all our luck!
You gotta be in the Guard to say "fuck"
To say "fuck"!
Can you believe it?
To say "fuck"!
Come on, it can't be that bad!

Yeah I just can't believe all our luck!
And apparently
You gotta be in the Guard to say "fuck"

Now this political correctness
Must come to an end
'Cause we're in the business of killing
Who gives a fuck if we offend?

'Cause I can mow 'em down by the thousands
But I can't say a dirty word
Well that's the dumbest fuckin' thing
That I have ever heard!

Now I don't think it could get any worse
You can't fuckin' drink and you can't fuckin' curse
And I just can't believe all our luck!

You gotta be in the Guard
To say "fuck"