You were throbbing at my dirty thoughts
And you know at times this evening
You made it hard for me to walk

Chorus:
But now I've got this pretty girl
And she's lying here waiting
So where are you when I need you?
When I need you, when I need you
Where the hell are you?

You've always been there when I needed relief at night
But now I've got the real thing you're nowhere in sight

Chorus:
But now I've got this pretty girl
And she's lying here waiting
So where are you when I need you?
When I need you, when I need you
Where the hell are you?

Sometimes when you try to prove you're a man
You end up mutton dressed as lamb

I must have drunk more than I realised
'cos this little thing has taken me completely by surprise