Chorus:
All local news, all local news, all local news
All local news, all local news, all local news
All local news, all local news, all local news

A little thing I tried to keep secret was published today
It's funny how a local paper can change the way people behave
The neighbours don't talk to me
Net-curtain people had a conference in the street
You should hear, the gossip that goes 'round
When one's not present they run them into the ground
With quivering lips and spiteful tongues
Aimed at absolutely anyone

Monday morning I got into work and my foremen come up to me
He said "I'd like to see you in my office around about quarter to three"
I guessed it, my job had gone
Over a column only two inches long
"We can't afford to keep you on, now you've broke the law"
"It's not what our company stands for"
But the company car will still be cleaned
By someone else on a training scheme
Don't get in your local news

Remember the night you cried over the telephone
It was your sixteenth birthday but I'm not allowed in your home
The finger's not pointing it's prodding and I've just about had enough of your local news