Eddie the eunuch was a weasel
Nasty as an old man's nose
Making believin' he was evil
Struttin' in his mama's clothes

You know that Eddie had a bad connection
Never had a chance to ball
Sleeping in the wrong direction, baby
Dreaming he was ten feet tall

But now Eddie the eunuch is a rock and roll critic
Sucking like a super star
Slicker than a shoe-shine
Quicker than a two-time
Eddie what a thang you are

Eddie makes a damn good livin', baby
Putting other people down
Eddie couldn't ever forgive them baby
'cause he wasn't Jackson Browne