Black cards And today's soup is Cream of ________. Armani suit: $1,000. Dinner for two at that swanky restaurant: $300. The look on her face when you surprise her with ________: priceless. Do the Dew® with our most extreme flavor yet! Get ready for Mountain Dew ________! Do you lack energy? Does it sometimes feel like the whole world is ________? Zoloft.® Don't forget! Beginning this week, Casual Friday will officially become "________ Friday." Get ready for the movie of the summer! One cop plays by the book. The other's only interested in one thing: ________. Having the worst day EVER. #________ Heed my voice, mortals! I am the god of ________, and I will not tolerate ________! Help me doctor, I've got ________ in my butt! Here at the Academy for Gifted Children, we allow students to explore ________ at their own pace. Hi MTV! My name is Kendra, I live in Malibu, I'm into ________, and I love to have a good time. Hi, this is Jim from accounting. We noticed a $1,200 charge labeled "________." Can you explain? I don't mean to brag, but they call me the Michael Jordan of ________. In his farewell address, George Washington famously warned Americans about the dangers of ________. In his new action comedy, Jackie Chan must fend off ninjas while also dealing with ________. Life's pretty tough in the fast lane. That's why I never leave the house without ________. Now in bookstores: "The Audacity of ________," by Barack Obama. Patient presents with ________. Likely a result of ________. WHOOO! God damn I love ________! Well if ________ is good enough for ________, it's good enough for me. Well what do you have to say for yourself, Casey? This is the third time you've been sent to the principal's office for ________. What killed my boner? What's making things awkward in the sauna? Why am I broke? Yo' mama so fat she ________! White cards 40 acres and a mule. A crazy little thing called love. A disappointing salad. A face full of horse cum. A giant powdery manbaby. A mouthful of potato salad. A one-way ticket to Gary, Indiana. A powered exoskeleton. A reason not to commit suicide. A team of lawyers. A whole new kind of porn. A zero-risk way to make $2,000 from home. AIDS monkeys. All these decorative pillows. An unforgettable quinceañera. An uninterrupted history of imperialism and exploitation. Anal fissures like you wouldn't believe. Ancient Athenian boy-fucking Backwards knees. Being nine years old. Being paralyzed from the neck down. Being worshipped as the one true God. Blackface. Blowjobs for everyone. Boring vaginal sex. Butt stuff. Changing a person's mind with logic and facts. Child support payments. Cutting off a flamingo's legs with garden shears. Daddy's credit card. Deez nuts. Denzel. Doing the right stuff to her nipples. Ejaculating live bees and the bees are angry. Ennui. Figuring out how to have sex with a dolphin. Free ice cream, yo. Genghis Khan's DNA. Getting caught by the police and going to jail. Getting drive-by shot. Getting eaten alive by Guy Fieri. Giant sperm from outer space. Going to a high school reunion on ketamine. Having been dead for a while. Mom's new boyfriend. My boyfriend's stupid penis. My dead son's baseball glove. My first period. Not believing in giraffes. Oil! Out-of-this-world bazongas. P.F. Chang himself. Russian super-tuberculosis. Seeing my village burned and my family slaughtered before my eyes. Seeing things from Hitler's perspective September 11th, 2001. Slowly easing down onto a cucumber. Social justice warriors with flamethrowers of compassion. Some shit-hot guitar licks. The Abercrombie & Fitch lifestyle. The basic suffering that pervades all of existence. The black half of Barack Obama. The eight gay warlocks who dictate the rules of fashion. The ghost of Marlon Brando. The passage of time. The swim team, all at once. The tiger that killed my father. The unbelievable world of mushrooms. The white half of Barack Obama. Too much cocaine. Unrelenting genital punishment. Vegetarian options. Wearing glasses and sounding smart. Western standards of beauty.