[OLD SNATCH, spoken]
Alright, Ms. Cooter. Let me tell yous a thing or two's about dicks!

(sung)
A dick can act real sweet
A dick can bat his eyes
He can tell you you're the one
But that dick's just full of lies

A dick's, a dick's, a dick's
A dick's, a dick, it's true
But you ain't never gonna
Find the dick for you!

A dick can hit you hard

[MS. COOTER]
Oooh, a dick can hit you fast!
A dick can bring you love

[OLD SNATCH]
But that dick can't make it last

[MS. COOTER]
There's a dick for every puss
Lots of fish in the sea
[OLD SNATCH]
But they sure as hell
Haven't found the dick for me!

[OLD SNATCH & MS. COOTER]
There ain't nothing like a dick

[MS. COOTER]
And the dick I've found's the best

[OLD SNATCH & MS. COOTER]
There ain't nothing like a dick

[OLD SNATCH]
They leave you itching with the rest

[OLD SNATCH & MS. COOTER]
You can play with that dildo
Til it makes you sick
But at the end of the day
There ain't nothin' like a dick!

[OLD SNATCH, spoken]
Now you're getting it, Miss Cooter! Preach, baby, preach!

[MS. COOTER]
My dick's a different breed
He's got class, he's debonair
His voice is gravelly and soft
And baby, he's got quite a pair
When he talks to me
I get all hot and bothered, you see
I'm positive that he's
The only dick for me

[OLD SNATCH]
Oh, that dick has got you good
He's got ya under his spell

[MS. COOTER]
Well at least I have a dick
And at least I don't smell

[OLD SNATCH]
Hah! You make the same mistakes
Through thin and through thick

[OLD SNATCH & MS. COOTER]
But at the end of the day
There ain't nothing like a dick

[MS. COOTER]
I want that shaft in me today

[OLD SNATCH & MS. COOTER]
There ain't nothing like a dick
[OLD SNATCH]
Hey look, a baby on the way!

[MS. COOTER]
Oooh, the way he makes me feel

[OLD SNATCH]
And they sure's are slicks

Both:
But at the end of the day
There ain't nothing
Like a dick!

[OLD SNATCH, spoken]
And they'll fuck ya too!

[MS. COOTER]
Ow!

[OLD SNATCH, sung]
Yeah!