[DICK ENSEMBLE]
You look a little lost, kid
You look a little scared
You seem a little worried, kid
A little unprepared

You seem a little flaccid, kid
It seems you've lost your wood
Did you come here alone, kid?
You look misunderstood

[WEENIE]
Lemme guess
Your master's gone astray?
No one around to sit and play?
No one to make you spurt and spray?
Well, today's your lucky day

There's a warm, secluded place
Where a dick can feel at home!
With miles of open space
Where dicks are free to roam!

Got no time for your selfish owner
He sure missed out on a quality boner
Don't worry you'll get your kicks 'cause
You just stumbled into the Land of the Dicks!
You can let your hair grow out
There's nobody to make you trim!
You can flop or go kerplop
When you're everybody's favorite limb

You don't need to get total action
When you've got scrotal satisfaction
You can come any time and get your fix
At a hot little joint called the Land of the Dicks!

[DICK ENSEMBLE]
A hot little joint called the Land of the Dicks!

[WEENIE, spoken]
That's right, bitches, it's the Land of the Lost Dicks! And your leader, Big Tallywacker!

[BIG T]
Cocks from far and wide
Oh, they lay down at my side
I take them in and wipe their tears away

You may be lost now, Dick
But you're one lucky prick
We'll make a one-eyed king of you today!

[DICK ENSEMBLE]
Some are big
And some are small
Some are slobs
And some well dressed
There are dicks of every kind
It's a regular sausage fest
You have miles at your disposal if you wanna go pissin'
The golden rain flows as you watch it glisten
You can come any time and get your fix
At a hot little joint called the Land of the Dicks![BIG T]
I said pee-pee
 
I said ding dong
 
Me tallywacker
 
Schlong
 
 
I said trouser snake
 
Private eye
 
Wing dang doodle[DICK ENSEMBLE]
 
Pee-pee
 
Ding dong
 
You tallywacker
 
Schlong
 
 
Trouser snake
 
Private eye
 
Wing dang doodle[DICK ENSEMBLE]
Sausage!
Choade!
Cock!
[DICK]
Dick!

[ALL]
Dick!

(Instrumental)

[ALL]
Foreskin, no skin, everyone's in!

There's a warm, secluded place
Where a dick can feel at home!
With miles of open space
Where dicks are free to roam!

Got no time for your selfish owner
He sure missed out on a quality boner
Don't worry you'll get your kicks
You can come and get your fix

It's time to mingle and mix 'cause
You just stumbled into the Land of the Dicks!