[ENSEMBLE]
Ooh, ooh

[MR. DAVIDSON & ENSEMBLE]
The greatest stories ever told (Ooh...)
Have a hero who must be bold (Ooh...)
They learn a sense of right and wrong (Ooh...)
And better learn the sense through song (Ooh...)

[CHARLOTTE & ENSEMBLE]
Musicals tell the impossible (impossible)
They evoke the philosophical, yeah!

[TED]
So tonight we’re gonna chronicle
A story so astronomical

[ALL]
The last remaining story to tell

[MR. DAVIDSON & ENSEMBLE]
The guy who didn’t like musicals (didn’t like, didn’t like, didn't like-a-like 'em)
Didn’t like, didn’t like, didn't like-a-like 'em
I mean, what the fuck! (didn’t like, did not like, like-a-like 'em)
He's the guy who didn’t like musicals (didn’t like, didn’t like, didn't like-a-like 'em)
Didn’t like, didn’t like, didn't like-a-like 'em
Yeah, what the fuck? (didn’t like, did not like, like-a-like 'em)
[BILL]
In the tiny town of Hatchetfield
Lived an awful grinch named Paul

[MELISSA]
Spends his day surfing the web
And not singing and dancing with us all

[ALL]
Should we kill him?
Should we kill him?

[EMMA]
Oh, he pines after a cute lil' barista
Isn’t that worth a show-stopping fiesta, yeah?

[PROFESSOR HIDGENS]
But for some damn reason
He won’t join our singing season

[MR. DAVIDSON, BILL & MELISSA]
What an ass!

[MR. DAVIDSON, BILL, MELISSA, CHARLOTTE & EMMA]
What a bitch!
[ALL]
What a cuck!

[MR. DAVIDSON & ENSEMBLE]
The guy who didn’t like musicals (didn’t like, didn’t like, didn't like-a-like 'em)
Didn’t like, didn’t like, didn't like-a-like 'em
I mean, what the fuck! (didn’t like, did not like, like-a-like 'em)
He's the guy who didn’t like musicals, na-na-na-na-na-na-na (didn’t like, didn’t like, didn't like-a-like 'em)
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na (didn’t like, didn’t like, didn't like-a-like 'em)
Didn’t like, did not like, like-a-like 'em

It’s the end of the world, Paul (end of the world)
If you don’t sing (if you don't sing)

[MELISSA & ENSEMBLE]
This is the bridge, Paul (this is the bridge)
Where we globalize everything

[PROFESSOR HIDGENS]
And the words will come to you
We swear we will teach you

[ALL]
What it means to love
What it means to obey, Paul!
[MR. DAVIDSON, spoken]
The apotheosis is upon us

[ALL, spoken]
Yay!

[MR. DAVIDSON & ENSEMBLE]
Did you hear the word?
What's the word?

[MR. DAVIDSON & CHARLOTTE]
He’s a-comin'

[ENSEMBLE]
Who’s a-comin'?

[MR. DAVIDSON & CHARLOTTE]
Paul’s a-comin'

[ENSEMBLE]
Paul’s a-comin'?

[ALL]
The star of the show

[TED]
Now for his headlining entrance

[EMMA & CHARLOTTE]
Time to swoon at his leading man essence

[BILL & PROFESSOR HIDGENS]
His name is in the title

[MR. DAVIDSON & MELISSA]
He’s destined to go viral
Here he is, his name is Paul

[ALL]
Enter now!

[MR. DAVIDSON, spoken]
Where the fuck is he?

[BILL, spoken]
I have no fucking clue

[MR. DAVIDSON, WOMEN, PROFESSOR HIDGENS & MEN]
The guy just doesn’t like musicals (didn’t like, didn’t like, didn't like-a-like 'em)
You gotta believe in something, Paul, gotta believe in stupid Paul
Yeah! (didn’t like, didn’t like, didn’t like-a-like 'em)
Didn’t like, did not like, like-a-like 'em (gotta believe in something, Paul, you piece of shit)
He's the guy who didn’t like musicals (didn’t like, didn’t like, didn't like-a-like 'em)
Na-na-na-na-na-na! (gotta believe in something, Paul, gotta believe in stupid Paul)
Didn’t like, didn’t like, didn't like-a-like 'em
Na-na-na-na-na-na! (didn’t like, did not like, like-a-like 'em)
Whoo! (gotta believe in something, Paul, you piece of shit)

[EMMA]
And he definitely won't like this! (didn’t like, didn’t like, didn't like-a-like 'em)
Yeah, yeah, yeah! (gotta believe in something, Paul, gotta believe in stupid Paul)
Didn’t like, didn’t like, didn't like-a-like 'em
Didn’t like, did not like, like-a-like them (gotta believe in something, Paul, you piece of shit)
He's the guy who didn't like musicals (didn’t like, didn’t like, didn't like-a-like 'em)(why, oh, why, oh why)
Na-na-na-na-na-na! (gotta believe in something, Paul, gotta believe in stupid Paul)
Didn’t like, didn’t like, didn't like-a-like 'em
Na-na-na-na-na-na! (didn’t like, did not like, like-a-like them)
(Gotta believe in something...)(why oh why)

[ALL]
Paul, you piece of shit