[JOEY]
You're Harry Freakin' Potter!
You don't understand
You're a legend, man, to us all
Every son and daughter

[ALL]
Safe!

[JOEY]
From You-Know-Who
All because of you, you were small
But I wonder if you can recall?

[JOEY & ENSEMBLE]
Long story short, this guy (ooh...)
(whispered) Voldemort (ooh...)
Was super cruel (ooh...)

[DARREN, spoken]
Voldemort?

[ALL]
Huh! Shh!

[JOEY & ENSEMBLE]
He tried to kill you and your parents (ooh...)
And this is where it gets intensely cool (ooh...)
Even though you were a tiny, little boy (ahh...)

[DARREN, spoken]
Uh-huh

[JOEY & ENSEMBLE]
You should've died but you survived and then destroyed (ahh...)

[DARREN, spoken]
No!

[JOEY & ENSEMBLE]
This evil guy and it's a story we enjoy to tell! (ahh...)

[ALL]
You're Harry Freakin' Potter!
We don't prefer Gandalf, Merlin or Oz
You're a whole lot hotter
With that lightning scar
You're a super star to us all
If we're in trouble we know who to call!

[DARREN, spoken]
Dance break!

[BRITNEY, spoken]
I just can't stop dancing, ya'll!
[JAIME]
You're Harry Freakin' Potter!
I wouldn't wince at all
You're invincible from all harm
Like Betty Crocker

[ALL]
Ooh!

[JAIME]
I wanna eat you up
No one'll beat you up with that charm
Remember, Harry, kid
You're the boss, you're the king, you're the bomb!

[DARREN, spoken]
Give it up for Danny on alto sax!

[DARREN & ENSEMBLE]
Well this is all so sad I mean my mom and dad were killed long ago (ooh...)

[ENSEMBLE]
Long ago they died!

[DARREN & ENSEMBLE]
I wanna be psyched but being unliked is all I know (ooh...)
[ENSEMBLE]
All he knows, that's why!

[DARREN & ENSEMBLE]
I never thought I'd be a part of such a fate (ahh...)
An opportunity eleven years late (ahh...)
I guess it's time for me to step up to the plate (ahh...)

[DARREN]
And show 'em that I'm something great!
I'm Harry Freakin' Potter!
I'll do what I can, if what you say I am is true
I can't be bothered by my awful past
I've found at last something I can do
So it's time I knew exactly who I am!
I'm Harry Freakin' Potter!

[ENSEMBLE]
You're Harry Freakin' Potter!

[DARREN & ENSEMBLE]
I'm/You're Harry Freakin' Potter!

[DARREN & ENSEMBLE]
And I'm the man! (ahh...)

[DARREN, spoken]
Let me hear everybody

[ALL]
Harry Freakin' Potter!

[DARREN, spoken]
Yeah, now we're cookin' with Polyjuice