[EMCEE, spoken]
Ladies and gentleman, Ms. Velma Kelly in an act of desperation

[VELMA]
My sister and I had an act that couldn't flop
My sister and I were headed straight for the top
My sister and I earned a thou' a week at least, oh, yeah
But my sister is now unfortunately deceased
I know it's sad, of course, but a fact is still a fact
And now all that remains is the remains of a perfect double act

(spoken)
Watch this
Now, you have to imagine it with two people
It's swell with two people

(sung)
First I'd—
Then she'd—
Then we'd—
But I can't do it alone
Then she'd—
Then I'd—
Then we'd—
But I can't do it alone
She'd say, "What's your sister like?" I'd say, "Men"
She'd say, "You're the cat's meow," then we'd wow the crowd again

When she'd go—
I'd go—
We'd go—
Then those ding-dong daddies started to roar
Whistled, stomped, stamped on the floor
Yelling, screamin', beggin' for more

(spoken)
And we'd say, "Okay, fellas, keep your socks up 'cause you ain't seen nothin' yet"

(sung)
But I simply cannot do it alone

(spoken)
So what do you think, huh?
Come on, you can say
I know, you're right, the first part's shit
But the second part, the second part is really nifty
Okay

(sung)
She'd go—
I'd go—
We'd go—
And then those two-bit Johnnys did it up brown
To cheer the best attraction in town
They nearly tore the balcony down
(spoken)
And we'd say, "Okay boys, we're goin' home, but before we go, here's a few more partin' shots"
And this, this we did in perfect unison

(sung)
Now you see me going through it
You may think there's nothing to it
But I simply cannot do it alone