[Intro: Spoken]
It's Christmas
Geez, Christmas is terrible

[Verse 1: Willam]
I'm never, ever, ever, gonna get it together
Dad don't give a shit
And my sisters say whatever
All good, I'm cool
My mom threw the tree off in the inground pool
Some about something cause I'm underage drinking
It's easy sneaking liquor when they're cooking in the kitchen
Woke up, tree side
Got the garbage can lid for a ghetto sleigh ride

[Pre-Chorus: All]
And this could be...
(Gingerbread tastes like jäger)
The worst Christmas ever
(Bitch you don't know a sled)

[Chorus: All]
Everything is better in my ugly Christmas sweater
Don't care what Santa brings won't send him a letter
Make a list and check it twice, it won't make it better
Everything is better in my ugly Christmas sweater

[Verse 2: Courtney Act, spoken]
My entire family's on the morning flight to Paris
Night before they punished me and sent me to the attic
(Go to your room!)
Woke up, rolled out
Mum forgot about me on the plane and freaked out
(Courtney!)
Two guys tried to break into my house but I was smarter
Set a bunch of traps, set a guy on fire
Yeah I, nearly died
Mum had to ask John Candy for a ride

[Pre-Chorus 2: Spoken]
[Alaska]
Wait a second, that sounds really familiar
[Courtney]
No, no, that's my family Christmas, that's what happened
[Alaska]
Do they even have Christmas in Australia?
[Courtney]
No...

[Chorus: All]
Everything is better in my ugly Christmas sweater
Don't care what Santa brings won't send him a letter
Make a list and check it twice, it won't make it better
Everything is better in my ugly Christmas sweater

[Bridge: Alaska, Spoken]
So, there is this one year
And it was Christmas
And my brother got karate patches
And I really wanted to get karate patches
So I thought I was gonna get karate patches
And then I didn't get karate patches

[Pre-Chorus 3: Courtney]
Everything is better in my ugly Christmas sweater
Don't care what Santa brings won't send him a letter

[Chorus: All]
Everything is better in my ugly Christmas sweater
(your sweater's so ugly)
Don't care what Santa brings won't send him a letter
Make a list and check it twice, it won't make it better
(so ugly)
Everything is better in my ugly Christmas sweater

[Outro: All, Spoken]
[Alaska]
Okay Courtney here's the part where you sing like Mariah Carey, go, go

[Courtney]
No I'm not doing it this year everybody made fun of me last year, y-you do it

[Alaska]
Fine I'll do it okay ready

[Courtney]
Why didn't you tell me you could sing like that?

[Willam]
Happy Birthday Hanukkah!