[Intro]
Doodly-doodly-dee
A diddly-diddly-doo
If you go out in the woods
Here are the things you should not do...

[Verse 1]
Oh, never lick a tree below the dog line
If it's brown and sticky, do not pick it up (Unless it's a stick.)
Banjo-playing hicks should be avoided
And it's no joke, that poison oak is not a friendly shrub

[Chorus]
With a diddly-diddly-doo and a doodly-doodly-dee
Something horrible will happen if you don't listen to me

[Verse 2]
Lakes and creeks and ponds are fish's toilets
A thimbleful would surely be your death
Don't drink out of a bog
You may ingest a polliwog
And soon you may be drawing your last breath
Be a grownup!

[Chorus]
Doodly-doodly-dee
A deedly-doodly-doo
All these gruesome things are surely
Gonna happen to you
[Verse 3]
Your sinew's torn apart by a grizzly...
Your large intestines wrapped around a tree...
If you make the slightest blunder
You'll be surely torn asunder
Did I forget to mention killer bee-hee-hees?
Flash floods, lightning strikes, avalanches, blizzards!
Mountain lions, marmosets, honey badgers, lizards!
Scorpions, parasites, black widows, rabies!
Sunburn, frostbite, head trauma, scabies!
Don't even get me started 'bout mosquitoes!
Malaria!

[Chorus]
Doodly-doodly-dee! (Dengue fever!)
Diddly diddly doo! (Whooping cough!)
If you go into the woods
Then this will happen to you!